I don't know when it started or how it came about, but it has been brought to my attention that I care a LOT about what people say, think or feel about me. I have become so wrapped up in what "everyone else is doing" that I often forget to focus on me and what I think and feel. When I am so focused on other people's thoughts and opinions their tendencies, interests and opinions slowly morph into my own. This makes it very easy to lose sight of personal goals, values and interests that are completely my own.
Lately I've spent more alone time than I probably ever have in my entire life.
Feeling friendless, I began feeling sorry for myself because I wasn't out doing things with people. Even with the friends that I have, it's been really hard for me to feel that I have a place, that I can fit in, and feel like someone wants me around. Other than the support of my family and boyfriend, I can't think of the last time that I have felt so alone and friendless. Most days I try and find ways to entertain myself when I have down time or I try to pick up extra shifts any time that I can at work. Over time this can become very redundant and saddening.
However, the more time I spent alone, the more I have noticed that alone time is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I have to come to realize that alone time is crucial to help sort out your own interests, personal priorities, and just to have that time to yourself to kick back and relax.
I have constantly been feeling like I always have someone in my ear telling me that I'm doing something wrong, acting poorly, or not being exciting enough; when in all reality it's perfectly fine to like what you want to like, feel how you want to feel, love who you want to love and be the person that you want to be.
Letting go of those feelings of caring so much about what people think has really opened my eyes in my steps toward becoming my best self. Thoughts and opinions of others can tie you down so you don't have the opportunity to grow and develop. It's so important to surround yourself with people who are willing to let you be yourself and bring out the best in you, while still allowing room for individual character flaws and differences.
I am thankful for one friend in particular that is a perfect example of always being himself. He acts completely the same around any group of friends that he's in, and always remains true to his core values and beliefs. He is silly when he feels like it and doesn't care who's listening or watching when laughing or expressing opinions. I am so thankful for a friend that is not only completely comfortable with being himself, but willing to let me and others around him be comfortable with themselves as well.
Although I know that I have a long way to go, I am thankful for the true friends that have stuck by my side when I have needed friends the most and who truly inspire and encourage me to be my best self.
Wake Up & Live!
